long time no speaky.
just a little note to say hi and howdy and hello and thanks for being so rad generally as a rule when i bump into you on the street or on a train or in a diner or an h&m dressing room.
i feel grateful to have such a smart,funny and kind bunch of supporters.
so anyhoo.
i have been writing a new album.slow and steady. and i am prepping for my october tour in the uk and berlin.(schnitzys!).
and here.
i made this for you.
it's about world peace in your home and heart and bum.
mostly it's about peace in your bum.
i liked making this for you because i had to learn something new.
so thanks for that opportunity.
remember to try to create peace in your bum.
hug.

today i stayed in bed all day.
all day long.
in honor of ** sark **.
i'm a fucking hippie.
it's official.
a bourgeiose hippie.
could you pass me my jar of oolong please?
and my colloidal silver maker?
where the fuck are my calms?!
or i'm a bored housewife.
looking for something new on the internet to tickle my fancy.
i've seen every baby laughing clip on youtube.
i am starting the new album on the 11th.
phew.
am driving myself and my loved ones noonie.
but by about 830pm i was going stir crazy.
so i took the dogs on the roof,and my reward was simultaneous pooping.
that's totally magical for those of you who don't know what it's like to have 2 dogs who used to piss and shit in the house.
nora breen the dog walking machine comes twice daily,i take them out at 8 and again just after midnight,and in the interims they are in their casa's (nice word for dog prison/crate),or i am keeping an eagle eye on them,watching,always watching,for the hint of a sniff,or a cock of the leg,or the nose down circling,in preparation for some form of aromatic release.so far,in the month since we had super training/dog/human rehab,pantera marvellous has shat only twice in my dressing room,and that was my fault because i didn't pick up on the signals,and get out of bed,and run him outside,in my floral pajamas,reeboks and forward hair affair.(apparently
,i sleep on my face.)
in other news,i have been experimenting sexually.

hi.
sorry it's been so long.
i immersed myself in learning how to be dominant,and becoming a good parent to both licklick, science and pantera marvellous,who went to rehab at ** zen4k9's **  while i was on tour.
i have since learned it was i,not the doglets that needed rehabbing.
one of the first things master linn taught me (dog lover/guru/psychologist/trainer/sperm donor) was that every time my dogs do something 'bad' i should roll up a newspaper and hit myself over the head with it.
rad advice.
if i am not dominant and calm, assertive at all times,they think they have to be in charge (ie bite that other dog's face off to protect me,piss on the leg of a potential suitor because they own me etc..all the things that make life just that little bit more challenging...) well anyway,basically then linn moved in with us for 3 days and taught us everything my brain could soak up in that time,and wowzy,they are so good now(i am so good now?) they are no longer leash aggressive,i can take them to the dog park safely now,they don't piss and shit outside my roomies' doors any longer,and they come when called.
woohooo!
it's all about consistency.
apparently.
and for more exciting news i was having dinner last night at the best burger restaurant in nyc when i thought one of my co diners was about to barf into her main course from too much rose on the roof terrace as the sun set,when jodie foster walks past and calls potential barfer's name,and is super dooper lovely,and potential barfing flies totally out the window,as potential barfer becomes the soberest (is that even a word?) person i've seen since that AA meeting i once tried,and i stop making a french fry face of lindsay lohan with the french fry remnants left on the table and i make a spontaneous jodie foster french fry sculpture just in time to be introduced,and to be able to say "look! i made your face out of french fries!" to which she responds,"wow,you really got the nose right." and then you know,i'm just so excited and i want to say more about us,and the fries,and our new collaboration,but the fact is,i am just a random fan singing 'my name is tallulah', and she is jodie foster,having a conversation with my new friend,the soberest person.
JODIE FOSTER!!!
f.u.n.
more soon....

aaaah.
two whole weeks off.
two whole weeks!
wait,actually,we're gonna need to schedule the video
shoot for 'girl you lost' somewhere in there,i know
how bout smack bang in the middle?
and let's make the shoot as far away from where you
live as possible so you lose 2 more days in
travel,yeh? and with costume fittings and makeup tests
(13 different characters) let's bring you out 2 days
before the shoot,in case we need to make any
alterations..so...ok...let's call it 2 days off.
then the shoot.
then let's get you home for 5 whole days off!
5 whole days!!!
5 whole days off.
i am on day 2.
day one we got manicures. i got orange and pink
leopard print.
then we ate at a healthy food restaurant where you can
eat seitan with brown rice gravy and sprout salad that
actually tastes good.
then we went took the 7 subway all the way from one
end to the next and stared at people.the beautiful
people of new york city. every end of the
spectrum.then we went to the salvation army where i
found a patagonia undershirt and a christian dior
knitted sweater for 3.99 each.
next i was getting hangry (hungry and angry) and i had
to bite the bullet and eat at an undisclosed fast food
restaurant. fish burger.
my day off partner in crime suggested i carry snacks
in my bum bag(fanny pack to some) so as to avoid
becoming a 'bit of a cunt' when i am having a low
blood sugar moment aka 'a hangry'.
my spirits lifted by food,returned home to watch
'workout' on bravo, followed by new fave tv show on
HBO 'in treatment',via the sur la table where i bought
a new machine called a mandoline,which slices food
really thinly and potentially also your fingers.
lucky i don't play anything,so can risk fingers in
food preparation quite gleefully.
made a salad of apple,celery,endive, all sliced paper
thin,with walnut oil,lemon juice,agave nectar,and
parmesan.
made sweet potato fries and potato fries.
ate whilst listening to bands on myspace at 'kitchen
island'.
felt smug about finally achieving dream of having
kitchen island.
read craft magazine.
planned next craft experiment.
day two,and so far spent 2 hours at the mac store
getting my macbook fixed,ate yum yum pigs bum food at
cafe where goodlooking people drink delicious coffee
and pretend not to look at eachother,bought a womens
basketball in pink and red from the pharmacy,bounced
it all the way to the basketball court only to find
that there were already some ten year olds playing a
heated game,so instead watched a deaf woman lipread
and communicate using sign and english to
respond,which was both beautiful and mesmerising,like
a dance of the hands.
showed day two off partner the sign language i learnt
whilst making 'the girl you lost' video.
felt proud had finally achieved dream of learning at
least one sentence in sign language.
now it is the present.
have FUN!
have FUN!

hello hello hello.
and a very special hello from the bathroom.
of every city since minneappolis.
that's hello from several bathrooms in milwaukee.
hello from a bunch in chicago,and now hello from the
bathroom in detroit.
yes.
i made the unfortunate decision to eat taco bell five
days ago,and have been suffering from what i like to
affectionately refer to as uh oh bum.
i have also been passing the time playing a new game
called 'shouting at my shoes' for being so fashionably
90's.
once upon a time,i could eat food!
luckily for me i'm getting so famous again (thanks
perez/the music?) that not eating is totally putting
me in the market for,like,a totally hot fashion
campaign because i am literally,like,so thin right
now.
like,so thin.

i'm like so thin my dolphin tattoo is the smallest
it's ever been.and i totally can't fit into any of my
tie dye frocks anymore.
i need more fairy shaped glass objects.
for healing.
you know?

and more purple. a lot more purple.
i've created a sidekick for the h crusader called
rainbarf. she is terminally pregnant,and fights crime
using an optimally induced morning sickness to vomit
actual rainbows from her mouth that instantaneously
change any and all
negative actions into positive.
for instance. you are in the line at bagel bonanza
and...well i was going to give an example but then i
remembered something my friend told me the other day.

apparently there are 3 types of vagina.
1. lemon cucumber
2. salty pretzel
3. everything bagel

please discuss.

in the penis stakes i would add
1. soapy tennis
2. granola
3. doritos

please discuss

ok,well i'm going to try to get some of that mashed
potato into me,and browse the vogue magazine looking
for my next 'gig'.
(supermodel).

ciao for now!

a vision in white: gus and sam, with brian on keys. from sia's band and the fox theatre & cafe awaits sia!!

19th feb 2008
i fell backwards on stage last night.
my bum never actually made contact with the hot pink
carpet,but i did a mad backwards high heel stumble
that spanned 8 feet,whilst trying to catch a hand
decorated cigarette lighter,lobbed from the
audience,that read,'love u sia'.
it was well worth it,as in,like,that chick must be
fucking psychic,because..
a) only 2 hours prior to the show i had searched high
and low for a book of matches in my stuff to light the
lavender candle i promised i would travel with for
'relaxation' whilst bathing.
and
b) i was getting a big head after all the gifts i
received throughout the show (more on that later) and
obviously needed to be brought back down to earth with
the truly humbling public stumble.
so.prezzies= bath treats galore,chocolate
chickies,bangles,rings,the best sequined suspenders
ever,lolly necklace,crafting magazine set,flowers,a
groucho marx mask,pimp stickers,a crown,and two pairs
of pants.
i mean a girl gave me her leggings.
and a chap gave me his corduroy trousers.
and stood waving his arms shouting 'i'm in my
underwear!'
i loved him.
and her.
i used her leggings to make gus a necktie that made
him look like he was in a swedish pop band.
i attatched the chaps corduroys to sams trousers,and
he became a stop frame animation.
my top 5 things today
1.the truth
2.attention
3.massage
4.black-it's a wonderful life
5.the bath
sam
1.lunch at mother's in portland
2.powernapping
3.showering
4.escaping gus's attempts at spooning during powernap
5.communal listening session in bus.
brian
1.the phoenix eye
2.breasts
3.having own row on aeroplane
4.jewish people
5.footjobs
david
1.being on time
2.radio gaga
3.tarte cheek tint
4.scritti politti
5.coffeewater
oli
1.cotton sheets
2.vodka
3.his mum
4.your mum
5.schnitzel
ian
1.brian
2.david
3.oli
4.sia
5.sam

i can't seem to locate the rest of the band so that
will have to do for today on the list front.

now it is 2 days later and we are in seattle.
today my top 5 things to do are
1.make out
2.circles
3.fish sandwich
4.self help
5.pranks

fuckadoodle it's time for soundcheck.
will check back in asap.
i am going mental mental chicken oriental with all the
promo,shows and travel but things are going grand,and
with the current climate on the bus i should be human
jerky in no time.

note to self.
buy travel humidifier.

huggies!

sia meets new york scenester candis cayne...

janice dickinson spots potential

so.
last week my manager David called me and told me my
album is finally coming out on tuesday.
a barrage of positively connotated expletives fell out
of my gob, and i heard him roll his eyes as he thought
at me

D: 'don't pretend you didn't know, you banana.'

i responded telepathically

S: 'oh indulge me, and let's just keep this little game fun, you know, the one where i pretend i'm helpless, irresponsible and calendarly challenged. please? pleeease? by the way that colour really suits
you. and your skin looks amazing.'

D: 'you can't see me. but yes. it does. you are right.
i am fabulous.'

S: 'you ARE fabulous. so, um, the game? can we, er,
you know, just, well, can you just, um,well, um, be my
mum? i mean in a non gender determined way. you know
like a dad but a mum. or a mum but a dad. or both? a
dum. or a mad.'

D: 'i will be your mad. on one condition.'

S: 'yes?.'

D: 'you acknowledge that i somehow manage to get you
to do whatever we all want, AND make you think it's
all your idea.'

S: 'but of course.'

D: 'so we are co-piloting the stereotype. got it?'

S: 'yes mad!'

(end of imagined conversation)

MAD: 'ok so you are doing instores acoustically at
starbucks astor place and the apple store in soho and then a 30 minute set at
virgin on Monday with the full band. conan on
tuesday.'

STEREOTYPE: 'i hear conan is really fucking tall.'

MAD: 'totally tall.'

STEREOTYPE: 'and genuinely funny.'

MAD: 'he is REALLY funny.'

STEREOTYPE: 'yay!'

MAD: 'how are you anyway? how was christmas?'

STEREOTYPE: 'it was fucking insane. ten girls. wine.
absinthe. guest pets. dancing. dressing up. some grown
lady vomits. flesh of all ages.'

MAD: 'oh my god did your mum vomit?'

STEREOTYPE: 'i wish. way better story. nope. sadly,
she was the epitome of ladylike. i think she was still
recovering from the matching tattoos we got.'

MAD: 'WHAT?!!?'

STEREOTYPE: 'we got matching tattoos. f u n . in pink
orange and red on our forearms. real ickle.'

MAD: 'that is amazing. is it her first?'

STEREOTYPE: 'yep. age 63. every time we push on it to
make the fun start, we have agreed to make a new and
unique funbutton pushing sound. like:(insert your own
imagined funbutton pushing sound here-i like to
imagine your lips doing what barney from the simpsons
mouth does when he belches but more floral).'

MAD: required laughter.

STEREOTYPE: fulfilling stereotype of laughing at own
jokes.

MAD: 'and new years eve?'

STEREOTYPE: 'oh yes.'(gazes lovingly at 3 legged dog)

MAD: 'yes what?'

STEREOTYPE: 'yes i got a totally imaginary kiss at
midnight that was long and slow and deep and made me
think my heart might explode all over the small
italian restaurant where we-my roomie 'the defunct
turban clown' (i have taken over role of clown since
she retired) and my mum - ate drank and got merry. and
mum and i did a lot of public stretching.'

MAD: 'i need photos. and a blog.'

STEREOTYPE: 'coming right up.'

MAD: 'and sia...'

STEREOTYPE: 'yes mad?'

MAD: 'we are all very proud of you, and how patient
you've been and how hard you've worked and this is
going to be an amazing year.'

STEREOTYPE: 'i love you maddy.'

MAD: 'and maddy loves you.'

STEREOTYPE: 'are we creepy role playing?'

MAD: 'yes. definitely.'

STEREOTYPE: 'oh. ok. good.'

MAD: 'i feel like i need to wash myself in bleach.'

STEREOTYPE: 'i'm giving you a raise.'

MAD: 'even creepier.'

STEREOTYPE: 'right. sorry. ok. bye! blog coming up!'

last night i touched marc jacobs camel toe.

life just gets better and better.

gross.

I have been writing lists.

lots of them

today i did a list of transgressions starting
from,(age 7)trying to secretly dig my fingernails into
the arm of the innocent nextdoor neighbour (age 4) for
winning pass the parcel to more recent ethical
shortcomings and morally reprehensible behaviours that
are impeding my survival.
even just writing shit down gives me a sense of
relief.
i'm wondering if i'm too chicken shit to actually
'make amends' like they do in AA and you
know,like,ring grampa up in heaven and say 'hi,this is
sia,sorry i stole some of the methadone you were
taking for your CANCER and lay around discussing
umbrellas for four hours with sharon on her living
room floor WHILE YOU WERE DYING.sure grampa! you had
plenty,but i have just suddenly realised that was
uncool.'
you know,that sort of thing.
on a potentially equally shameful front,i have tried
to list all the people i have ever slept with,and have
suddenly reached the point where some of the poor
chaps during the hazier periods have had to be
rechristened,things like
'swede'
'pockmark'
'bicycle guy'
'telstra'
'khakis grateful dead'
'asslicker'
'tampon'
'tel aviv'
'annoying'
and
'15 year old virgin'.
even the shame can't win over the hilarity of that
shit.
on a lighter note,i also wrote a shopping list.

love you and your bum bum.

hi.
so not eating for 8 days is totally rejuvenating.
and sticking stuff up your bum can make you feel good!
like cups of coffee up the bum,peppermint tea up the
bum,warm water,cold water,wheatgrass juice up the bum.
you name it.
my friend told me a great story about a well known dj
who likes to put other things up HIS bum.
shampoo bottles,barbie dolls,you name it.
so must put that on the 'list of things to do.'
other things to do when finished juice fasting with
enemas.
a)eat
b)photoshoot for new album with new glowing complexion
and jeans that fit again.
c)go to new york to do stuff and stuff.
d)take lick lick and pantera to get shots for overseas
travel.(tourbus dogs)
e)maintain short term sobriety
f)finish nursery rhymes album
g)learn to surf
h)learn about hemingway and havana
i)learn more about female ejaculation
j)learn about breatharians
k)give ten dollars a day to the homeless(i'm saving
for a house myself.selfish!)
l)make a video blog
m)mani pedi
o)buy a house
p)lick something salty
q)make more money
r)eat 80% raw
s)kiss a boy
t)wink at an old old old man
u)wear no undies to dinner
v)use my time in hollywood wisely
w)to fart near a celebrity
x)and on a celebrity
y)teach the dogs mandarin chinese
z)hug a tree/put some other stuff up my bum.
bums
bums
bums
bums!

pantera is licking my foot.
ironic,as i adopted a new dog,who is way more licky
than pantera,and called him licklick science.
licklick has 3 legs and is like a hairy
slug.docile.chilled.pantera tried to eat licklicks
face several times in the beginning,but now they are
packmates.
i've discovered taboo.
it's a wordgame that has revolutionised my dinner
parties.
i've started 3 new projects.
a nursery rhymes album with larrygoldings.

a covers album with har marsuperstar.

a gospel album with fabrizio moretti.

the latter made the rest of our gang so envious they
started a band called sexplicit,spawned from
jealousy,the lyrical content was emotionally
charged...song titles included
sexplicit partay
i want my mixtape back
i want those lips on my lips
don't want no zitty titties
this is dirty
hairy couter and the golden snatch

licklick pissed on my bed lastnight.(not a song
title.reality)
way to top off a night!
i'd gone down to my uncle collys house in topanga
for dinner with my mate binky and then dropped by
devendra banharts house
and had a few wines and hid notes all over his house
from paula abdul(long story,involving me pranktexting
him over the course of 3 months)
i love him.
(cue crazy eyes)
is it stalking if you've sold more records than the
person you plan to stalk?
say no.
now if only i can get hold of some of his hair.
speaking of hair.i have a load of fabs hair from when
we cut it in my living room last week.
i'm hoping i can swap it onwww.craigslist.org for
some wine and cheese,the fire of life.
is that wrong?
say no.
is it wrong not to want to give back binkys favourite
flipflops?
say no.
i have some of har mar's pubes too.in a ziplock.
i'm thinking of trying to swap them on
www.craigslist.org for a mercedes.
i know that's right.so right.
if anyone wants to send me anything from their body
that would be fine by me.
go see everything is illuminated.

271_siablog1.jpgso all the laydees have left town.inara is now on tour
with the bird and thebee supporting lily
allen through the uk and being fabulous,lenka just
flew to paris where she will be getting some sex,and
binky left today on a
jetplane to see her sweetheart (she will also be
getting sex)
i am not getting any sex.
i know quite a few sexy mares and fillies who aren't
getting sex.
but we are certainly the minority here in hollywood.
not having sex here in hollywood leaves me plenty of
time for dog parking (dog owners are the best gossips
in town) silly dancing,helping friends move furniture
and pose and accept challenges from new friends.
the latter has kept me very busy over the last few
days.
struck up a friendship with this
cat he is in omaha.
who else is in omaha?
only the grand master of chess that's who!
i set him the task of finding a t-shirt with a kitten
on it surrounded by roses,wearing it and getting a
photo of him and the grandmaster together.
he couldn't find the t-shirt,so he made it.
he then challenged me to a concert.
for my kitchen utensils.
i then challenged him to make a short animation,using
his nipples. (go and have a look in the video section here on the website).
maybe he's shy,but these are not his.these belong to
someone from the world wide web.nik pointed out how
difficult it is to find nipples online that aren't
attatched to some sort of shady goings on.
i have been working on a video blog for the last three
days,but i am shit at imovie,and i can't seem to edit
the music right,so my next challenge for nik may
be,make my video blog interesting?????
and then i will post it here.
and i tell you what.
it's way more interesting than this....
there's drama,humiliation,celebs,silly dancing,bums
AND tits....